Thursday, January 22, 2004
better every day

I'm definitely on the mend and feeling much better. By normal standards, I'm still sick with some coughing, sneezing, gunk in my throat and lungs, but compared to the way I was feeling over the weekend it seems nearly miraculous how well I feel. It's all relative, I suppose.

An interesting consequence of the illness has been that my appetite is screwed up. I just don't seem to get hungry, though I'll sometimes start thinking about food without actually wanting to eat any. It's a weird feeling. And when I do eat, the food just doesn't taste good. Not bad exactly, just not very interesting, which makes eating not so satisfying. It's starting to creep back to normal now, though, and I'm wondering if there's some way I can cultivate that. I can't actually imagine how, but it'd be a good thing if I got hungry at the normal times, but food wasn't so pleasurable. Maybe I could just eat for nutrition. Eating for nutrition, what a concept! I can dream.

So I’ve been eating less, not exactly on purpose, but hopefully I’ve got some momentum now to choose wisely. As soon as the cough goes away I’m back in the walking game (physical activity--like talking--causes me to start coughing fits).

I'm working up my nerve to call my physician assistant and let her know that I'm deliberately planning on postponing my appointment with her (which I should have right about now) so I can work on getting my long-term blood sugar values down so we don't have to talk about insulin. Though sometimes I think if I let her prescribe it and have to actually face the prospect of using it that might be motivation enough to keep my blood sugars low enough that I can't take it. Because when it gets right down to it I think I might do anything to avoid taking the insulin. It feels like if I start that it's more or less like saying to myself I won't ever lose enough weight to be healthy again. I know, absolutely for certain, that if I could eat right and lose weight the diabetes would go away. I just know it. And even if it didn't I'd know for sure I did all I could to take care of it.

So what the hell's wrong with me that I haven't been able to do it?

Under the "silly reasons to want to lose weight" category is so that I can knit more attractive things for myself and not have buy so much darned yarn and spend so much time knitting them. All of the really pretty things are in sizes much smaller than mine and, honestly, anything just looks like a big sack on me now anyway, so it hardly seems worth the bother.

Monday, January 19, 2004
fevered caucusing

I'm feeling definitely better, but not well yet. I stayed in again today and did nothing more ambitious than showering and washing my hair and then I went to the caucus, which took about twice as long as I had expected -- it took forever to get people signed in because they had expected about 125 people and about 257 showed up. In fact, we exceeded the room's capacity and had to move to the gymnasium (in the same building, thankfully). They ran out of registration forms for the folks who weren't registered or registered as democrats and had to send for more of those and, of course, there was the normal trying to woo the undecided and those in groups too small to be viable. What should have been about an hour or so took nearly two and half hours. So while I was sitting there not feeling too well to begin and trying to keep my coughing under control I felt the fever come back. It's only 100.5, not a raging fever, but enough to make me feel really uncomfortable. And this was just an hour into it. Anyway, we got it done, my candidate earned a delegate (we were within 5 people of getting 2 of the 4 delegates our precinct was allotted). Unfortunately, my candidate appears not to have won Iowa. I'm a bit disappointed, but honestly I could vote for any of them at this point and feel okay about it, so it's still good.

The thing about my precinct is it's made up almost entirely of students. Out of the 257 people there, there were maybe 10 other people who were within 2 decades of my age. I don't usually feel old, even in this town, but I sure felt out of place tonight. Or I would have if I had felt better. Really, it's a good thing so many students showed up, I do like to see that.

I finally got around to taking a picture. I'm going to try to take one regularly to hopefully keep motivated. I'll try to set up some sort of progress area so I can keep track. When I feel better.

January 19, 2004--just a bit feverish

Sheesh, I look bad. Time to get to work.

Sunday, January 18, 2004
wasted week

I'm starting to recover, I think, after 2 full days asleep, except for the coughing, sneezing and runny nose wiping. Yesterday I slept until 3:00 PM, got up and moved to the couch and proceeded to sleep there the rest of the day. I'm feeling a teeny bit better today, so I'm pretty sure I'll live, but it still isn't any fun. Tomorrow I'll stay in except to go caucus and with any luck I'll be able to go to work on Tuesday.

Sick of checking back just in case I might finally have something to say? Let me know and I'll notify you.


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